Boundaries

I gathered a small group of willing participants together to join me this Summer in a Bible Study called Boundaries with Kids. We are four chapters into it and let me just say that I think I've overestimated myself! There is a book and study called Boundaries that coulda-shoulda-woulda been addressed first but I didn't see the need to create boundaries within myself, I just wanted to tackle boundaries with my children! What an eye opener this study has been so far!

I've learned that in order to teach boundaries to our kids we must be boundaries for our kids. This is very hard to do if we haven't been taught said boundaries ourselves. I'm having to learn while I teach. One of the biggest lessons I've learned so far is that boundaries are more often caught than taught. I heard it said so many times when I was young "do as I say, not as I do" and I followed that rule thinking that when I'm the adult I can do whatever I want and not worry about what my kids are catching from me because I can use the old saying myself. This was a mistake!

Do you ever look at your children and see them as a reflection of all the things you loathe about yourself? I do. I want my children to be amazing people who do amazing things. In setting boundaries for them as well as myself I will teach (rather model for) them character qualities that will enable them to be just that!

*Excerpts from the Boundaries with Kids Participant's Guide*

Week one we focused on being more loving: "loving people recognize that the world does not revolve around them. They are able to control their impulses, respect the boundaries of others and set boundaries for themselves so that they are responsible people whose actions are loving."

Week two we focused on being more responsible: "being responsible means taking ownership of your life. Ownership is to truly possess your life and to know that you are accountable for it - to God and others."

Week three we focused on being more free: "in sharp contrast to today's popular victim mentality, free people realize that they can act rather than remain passive in a situation, that they have choices and can take control of their life."

Week four we are focusing on initiating: "being created in the image of God is being created with the ability to begin something. Teaching a child to initiate is an important aspect of boundary training."

I've had some serious ups and downs in modeling these for my boys although I feel as if I'm becoming a better person as well as a better mother in the process of this study. Four weeks in and we have four weeks to go; to be honest I can't decide if I want to jump into Boundaries, repeat Boundaries with Kids or move on to Boundaries in Marriage. There are many Boundaries books out there, there just may be one specific for your current needs, check out Dr. Cloud & Dr. Townsend: The Boundaries Series and see for yourself if these could help you as much as they're helping me and my small group this Summer. God's blessings!