30 Days to Taming Your Tongue - What you say (and don't say) will improve your relationships by Deborah Smith Pegues
Day Eighteen - The Intimidating Tongue
The Philistine said to David, "Come to me , and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!" - 1 Samuel 17:44
The intimidator counts on his victim to wilt in the face of a verbal attack. That's why sometimes (when it is safe) you have to let an intimidator know you refuse to be oppressed by him and that you do indeed have the God-given strength to resist his tactics. While it may be scary to confront intimidating bullies, they will often quickly back down when someone stands up to them.
God has never meant for anyone to oppress or dominate another person. Note that in the Garden of Eden, He gave Adam & Eve dominion over the fish, fowl, and animals -- not over each other or other people. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground" - Genesis 1:28
Although it can be a precursor to -- but usually stops short of -- physical violence, verbal intimidation can have a severe physical and emotional impact on its target. Many victims suffer from headaches, anxiety, nervousness, insomnia, stress, fatigue, low self-esteem, and depression. This is not how God intended His children to affect each other's lives.
Intimidators would do well to understand that their communication style only engenders resentment and subtle rebellion. They must learn that people are more inspired to connect with someone who will support them in their weakness.
If you are an intimidator, it is time to get in touch with why you feel you need to gain power or control over others. You may need a good professional counselor to help you get to the root cause. Many intimidators grew up in chaotic or otherwise negative environments in which they felt powerless to change their circumstances. They vowed they would never allow their lives to be so out of control again, so they seek control. Others are simply a bundle of insecurities and use intimidation as a facade to mask their fears. Whatever the cause, intimidators can never hope to have a meaningful relationship with anyone who is forced into submission.
Because God is in control of every aspect of my life and has set my destiny, I have no need to control the behavior of others.